THE ART OF COVFEFE

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Dear Editor, 

As you know, my first memoir was the greatest NUMBER ONE BESTSELLER EVER. People say it was the best book in the history of books, and by the way, I am told there have been a lot of really great books. As everyone knows, I love the Bible (#Biblephotoop). Great book, really great. But that story about camels, eyes of needles, and Heaven. Seriously, no one gets it.  

Now that I’ve made America great again, I’m writing my newest memoir. Book people are already saying it will be the GREATEST PRESIDENTIAL MEMOIR ever!

Outline:

Chapter 1: Inauguration crowd twice the size of Obama’s!!! 

Chapter 2: 450 miles of NEW WALL!!!! (9 of them on VIRGIN land!!!!)

Chapter 3: How I SAVED THE ENVIRONMENT by sending brooms to the Left Coast, so they could sweep the forest floor and STOP WILDFIRES!!!!

Chapter 4: How the fake media suppressed the story of my sending TRAINLOADS OF MOPS to Florida and the Gulf to fight their hurricanes WHICH ARE NOT GETTING BIGGER AND MORE!!!!!!!!

Chapter 5: I am the ONLY President who made jobs AND saved the environment. Under my leadership, America NET GAINED 200 CLEAN COAL jobs!!!! 

Chapter 6: If the Deep State hadn’t COUPED the election, coal jobs would now be more than wind and solar. A lot more. The Socialist Democratic “geniuses” Obama and Sleepy Joe can’t grasp that when there’s no wind, no energy. Or am I missing something here? NOT!

Chapter 7: How I closed the borders to Muslem, Islamofascist, and ANTIFA terrorists and KEPT AMERICA SAFE! Who was the President who went to North Korea? Did Obama shake hands with the tyrant who threatened to rain missiles down on America? No. It was me. 

Chapter 8: How I MADE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 9: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 10: Created the Greatest Economy Ever (G.E.E.)–Dow Hit 30,000!!!!!!!

Chapter 11: GRACEFULLY handed over G.E.E. to Sleepy Joe who will screw it up. Royally.

Chapter 12: Sell your stocks and move your money off-shore. 

Chapter 13: How SOCIALIST DEMOCRATS COLLUDED WITH OBAMA JUDGES TO STEAL MY ELECTION!!!!!!

Chapter 14: How millions of DEAD ILLEGALS VOTED FOR SLEEPY!!!!!!!

Chapter 15: How the DEEP STATE paid off CORRUPT ELECTION OFFICIALS in Michigan, Georgia, Pennsylvania and all my battleground states!!!!!!!

Chapter 16: How election machines were RIGGED TO SWITCH VOTES in my battleground states from me to Sleepy!!!!

Chapter 17: I WON THE ELECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 18: How I will run again and WIN even more BIGLY and finish building THE WALL (#January20,2025). The last 1800 miles will be paid for by Mexican rapists, drug smugglers, and other Democrats. LAW AND ORDER!!!!!

In the last chapter of my first book (he’s writing two, I’m doing three), I’m writing what Americans most want to hear: How I became IMMUNE to the Wuhan Flu!! Then I’ll explain my PERFECT RESPONSE to that FLU BUILT IN A CHINESE LABORATORY!! Under my IMMACULATE LEADERSHIP we CONQUERED the China Flu, reopened the economy while keeping our liberty to not wear masks (they are ugly and not effective at all) and only lost 300,000 American lives–well–400,000. Of course one life lost is too many, but they were already sick and/or old or both. Bottom line: only 1 out of a 1000 Americans died. That’s 0.1%.  That’s a terrific number!!! It’s an amazing number!!!!! And what about the vaccine? Who led WARP SPEED to make vaccines? Hint: Not Sleepy Joe. 

Summation: 

My book will be a perfect roadmap on how to do the Presidency right. That’s why I’m naming it The Art of Covfefe. The perfect description for what I accomplished as the best and greatest President of the United States of America since Lincoln. (Maybe even including Lincoln because he never had to deal with insurrections the way I had to.) 

Unlike Obama’s book, which I’m told is very LONG and TEDIOUS, The Art of Covfefe will be short with the most amazing writing. And since I’m the biggest celebrity in the history of celebs, you can easily hire that popular illustrator Van Gogh to make it a graphic novel. (#picturebooksbetter) 

So let’s make a deal. The two Obamas got a $65 million advance for their very long and very boring books that did not sell as much as The Art of the Deal. A $120 million advance is the absolute minimum. Since I am contacting other publishers, you’ll have to bid higher to be the WINNER. Mucho dinero higher…What do you want, Junior? I’m busy. Get out of here! Why you sticking these numbers in my face?…Huh. Interesting.

Listen, my staff just completed a full market research that shows if only 90% of the 70 million patriots who voted for me buy my book are added to the hundreds of millions of FANSCISTS around the world, that’s bigly more than $120 million. A LOT BIGLY MORE!!!!!! What now, Jared? How much is coming due to Deutsche Bank? 

Wow. 

Forget bidding. $421 million and the book is yours. Small bills only. I’ll send RG to pick up the “laundry bags.” Looking forward to doing business with you. 

Fondly,

Donald J. Trump

One thought on “THE ART OF COVFEFE

  1. Thanks Matt Good to laugh and see Dick brains in the rear view mirror

    Maybe we can hike to the top of some peak this winter even if only for a day trip. Hoping for snow. Be well.

    Michael J

    Talia Developments 707/246-8845

    >

    Like

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