May 1 7:50 AM

Best 1st 100 days of all time starting with biggest inaug ever! Beyonce, extremely hot anthem. God, double rainbow was AWESOME!

May 21 9:35 AM

America winning again! 50 million new jobs. Stock market highest EVER! Trump Organization greatly enlarged (so they tell me).
May 24 10:23 AM

Health care on! Met with Dems to iron out tiny differences. 2nd Amend people need to “visit” Failed Freedom Caucus

May 25 11:21 AM

Thin skin Enemy of People (MEDIA) zero sense of humor.  Last tweet total joke. Hold a media roast & learn 2laugh at self like I can.

May 30 12:02 PM

How many times do I tweet nyet re: Putin’s interference in my LANDSLIDE victory before Enemy and Haters believe FACTS?

 

May 30 12:09 PM

Haters in California used microwave technology to fake votes. I beat Crooked Hillary by 16 (some say 26) million votes.

 

June 7 4:21 PM

Enemy of People comparing me to Nixon! Unfair!  POTUS patience is over. Made list of all my Enemies in media, Hollywood, and at UN.

 

June 10 10:23 AM

Syrian “incursion” NOT a war! Incursion is a very small raid to rescue innocent children! #Childrenscrusade.

 

June 13 2:15 AM

Congrats from ISIS re: “incursion” does not mean I’m their friend! Enemy of my enemy is my ENEMY! Haters, learn history! Enroll@TrumpU

 

June 14 2:29 PM

Called Vlad re: bomb in Damascus that colateralled his soldiers. Told him we’ll ease sanctions he and Flynn talked about last August.

 

June 17 7:32 PM

Great news! Ivanka’s new clothing line is awesome. First Lady looks HOT in the lingerie (as does First Daughter). #boycottnordstrom

July 4 2:20 PM

Wacko Freedom Caucus, stop holding up my tax cuts.  We can’t be great again with you terrible people.

July 5 4:40 AM

2nd Amenders, this is no joke. Biggest Swamp Rat of Freedom Caucus is Mark Meadows, his office: 1024 Longworth HOB.

July 5 4:41 AM

Pay visit to Pretty Boy Ryan too. Spends more time on his abs than on legislation. Worthless. And an ugly wife. Really unattractive.

July 10 2:46 PM

Kim “Tiny Dong” Jong-Un, you better not launch another missile test like the one yesterday. @I’mnotkidding

July 12 3:32 AM

“Tiny Dong” I warned you. One more pathetic missile test like this morning’s, and I’m going to vaporize your fat ass.@I’msonotkidding

3:33 AM

Try me you so-called “leader” with very tiny hands.

July 28 4:32 PM

Tape showing me and Putin fixing election is fake news. Never happened. Hair of fake “Donald Trump” terrible! Looks nothing like me.

 

July 29 8:48 AM

Ryan, don’t even think of starting an impeachment. I’ll destroy you and all the other dumb lightweights in Congress.

 

2:38 PM

Speaker Ryan, disregard last tweet. Let’s meet. You don’t really want to subpoena me, right?

 

4:30 PM

Paul, just want you to know that I’m your biggest fan. I’ve got your awesome health plan on my desk. I’ll call it Ryancare or whatever you want.

 

11:39 PM

They can’t impeach me! I’m Donald J. Trump! I’m the greatest man the world has every had!
July 30 3:20 AM

Enemy of the People, you’re the one unhinged!  I got all my wits. i.e. Do you know the “football” code? No? Well I do:  4Q2TinyDong

 

3:22 AM

I can launch the menage a trois of our nuclear arsenal just by opening the football like this, and typing in 4Q2…

3:22 AM

Help! Ivanka and Jared are coming for football and Precious, my gold-plated Samsung Galaxy G8!!!

3:45 AM

Okay.  Safe here in the Presidential toilet.  To tell the truth, compared to The Throne Room at Mar, not impressive. Sad.

 

3:51 AM

If you impeach me, I’ll throw the football.
3:53 AM

My inauguration was bigger and better than both of Obama’s combined.  Beyonce sang the national anthem with Elvis and Janis.
3:53 AM

Barack Obama was born in Kenya and tutored by Osama bin Laden. Osama & Obama Siamese twins separated by Dr. Carson at birth.

 

3:53 AM
Global Warming fake news cooked up by China, Jerry Brown, and Bruce Springsteen!

 

3:53 AM

Build the Wall then line up the 11 million illegal rapists and terrorists from Mexico and 2^nd Amendment them!!

 

3:54 AM

My Apprentice ratings much, much higher than Arnold’s! If he says different, take him to the Wall.

 

3:54 AM

Ted Cruz was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.

 

3:54 AM

I am not a crook! Look at my tax returns.

 

3:54 AM

I did not have relations with those women! They begged me to grab their pussies.

 

3:54 AM

I could walk down Fifth Ave and nuke Syria, North Korea, and one of those stan countries, and people will still love me!

 

3:55 AM

It’s morning in America because I’ve Made America Great Again, so how can you impeach me??? #notleavingtoilet

 

3:58 AM

Help, somebody, please. I want to go home and play golf. That’s all. #stillhinged

 

4:00 AM

Melania? Ivanka? Anyone?

 

4:01 AM

Daddy?