First 100 days
January 21 2:34 AM Best Inauguration ever! Kanye & Elton highly overrated. Mormon Tab Choir AWESOME!! Since gays can marry, I’m legalizing polygamy. #Whystop@1
January 21 10:35 AM @CNN being haters and losers, again. So what if Secretary Perry forgot where Energy building is? Empathy, folks. Empathy.
January 21 10:36 AM Obamacare, dumbest law ever, about to be repealed and replaced with the best healthcare plan ever!!! America, We Are Great Again!!!
January 21 10:54 AM Nice congratulation call from Vlad. I can do business with him. Very smart. Obama didn’t have a clue how to deal with a real man. #Is44gay?
January 21 10:56 AM Pence! Where’d I put the briefcase with the football?
January 21 3:30 PM Disregard last tweet. Barron had it. He’s having lots of fun here. #wearereallyreallysafe
January 22 2:35 AM Blind trusted my investments to keep terrible media off my back. Instructed Ivanka to advise blind trust to buy CNN.
January 23 11:56 PM 8” of snow since Inaug day. Global warming, right. Scientists don’t have a clue. Make coal great again! #chinahoax #I’malso8”
January 24 12:12 AM Instructed Donald Jr. to advise blind trust to corner market in down jackets. Very, very cold in DC, you loser scientists.
January 24 10:34 AM Reviewing amazing plans for Wall. Nicer and Bigger than China’s. #ifyoubuildittheywontcome
January 24 10:36 AM Help design Muslim identification patch #greencrescent. Winner gets photo op with me @White House. Send sample/pix to @mikepence
January 24 10:37 AM Cutting unemployment by hiring 2nd Amendment people to roundup and send illegals back to Taco Land.
February 1 10:40 AM Chat with Vlad. We’re on the same brainwave. He figured out who I’m nominating at S. Court and I haven’t announced person yet. Great minds…
February 8 3:45 AM @CNN, @HuffingtonPost, @Foxnews don’t get it. Not at all. Sad. They say TrumpCare repackaged ObamaCare. Wrong. #Besthealthplanever
February 10 10:34 PM Melania at Trump Tower M-F. Any hot woman who wants internship, send pix/video to: @whitehouse.
February 11 4:35:12 AM Phone message from a Kim Jong-Un? Did @kimkardashian divorce loser @kanye? Her butt makes America great! Kim, call me, better, stop by. 😉
February 11 4:35:47 AM @megynkelly come to @whitehouse so I can explain how Trumpcare so much better than Obamacare. Wear your low-cut, tight black dress. 😉
February 11 7:25 AM I’m told Kim Jong-Un is idiot whose company built exploding Samsungs. Make our phones here like they do at Apple. #madeintheusa
February 11 11:22 AM @CNN quotes my jokes to make me look bad. Sad. Of course I know who @dearleader is. Unlike 44, he’ll listen to 45.
February 12 11:35 AM Dispatched Ambassador Rodman to NK to work out details with @dearleader to buy his bombs. Folks, can I negotiate or what?
February 14 4:23 AM To all the haters and losers who say I misogynist women, you don’t have a clue. I just nominated @sarahpalin for Supreme Court Justice!
February 14 4:48 AM @dearleader more like queer leader. My hands are perfect size! He’s the one with child-size gloves. Who’s he think he’s dealing with?
February 28 2:34 PM Vlad, nice joke, but please remove troops from Slovakia. It’s funny, but the thin-skinned media giving me headache. #amendfreedomofpress
February 28 3:59 PM Vlad, could you start the retreat. Okay? And while you’re at it, bring them back from Czechland. You’re still my BFF.
February 28 11:20 PM Seriously, Vlad. Now.
March 9 6:23 PM Need a few more workers for Wall. Interested? Contact @mikepence #Wantajob?Standatcornerofmini-martparkinglot
March 20 4:20 PM 20mill who got Obamacare, don’t worry. Trumpcare going to be much, much better. Cheaper, better coverage, and Trump quality guarantee.
March 21 2:50 AM Hosted Ku Klux for white tie dinner. Amazing people. Very polite unlike stupid media. One AMAZING woman. #pussygrab
March 28 10:45 AM Trumpcare not awesome, SUPERAWESOME!!! No preexisting conditions! Kids covered til 26! Folks, sign up to keep it affordable.
April 3 4:45 AM Shootout between 2nd Amendment Immigrant Enforcers and Latino police overblown by terrible @CNN coverage. Grenade launcher NOT used!
April 29 2:34 AM Not one @ISIS attack since January 20. I took care of those radical Islamic terrorists like I promised. #DontmesswithDonald
April 29 11:43 PM Airport attack stupidest thing you losers could ever do. ISIS, kiss your tiny hands and your caliphate goodbye! #DontmesswithDonald
April 29 11:57 PM Psycho Kim another missile test! I warned the small-handed one. @dearleader messing with wrong hombre. Hope NK has fallout shelters.
April 30 12:01 AM Day 100 and idiot media said I’d never make it. And now I say adios to Psycho Kim and ISIS terrorists. Pence! Where’s the damn football!?
4 thoughts on “Presidential Tweets – First 100 Days”
This is so clever!
Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste.
I haven’t laughed this hard since before Trump was elected! Thank you, Matt!